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RudeAwakenings.x.x.xSweetdreams

Wow, where has tyme gone? or is it Thyme? I give….no two iotas……doth You? I don’t know where to begin or where to stop…but the roller coaster has come to a very slow roll…..I am going to contact whom I need to in the AM (deities willing~smirk~) and come to a crawl. I had a burst of normalcy & some familiar faces & have had time to reflect….and got in touch w/some feelings that where void for so long and by all rights will be next to void until I choose to be smarter…I have been too expressive and will collect myself in a more centered manner………………..

I stepped too high and am extremely fortunate to be amongst feeling safe & physically in good company…maybe not what i had, even remotely, expected but have a different batch of ‘lesser than‘…in many different ways to practice penance. Not the happiest of things that’s for sure (as far as myself…one day)…silent ::sigh::) Sound of a tear dropping….not excused away… but walk on w/a different understanding of myself & immaturity of & let down & great disappointment reaction of being sad, upset, crushed to a new low is childish and unacceptable….I have yet to have a moment alone to where I can “cry” my heart out w/out anyone ‘looking’ I was uncomfortable crying & it’s not a good turn of events of …YET…YET…today being a full day of events…….. I’m taking a breath & sipping a rich smooth cup of java…..to end my evening. I can not thank enough the support and understanding on last minute (pretty much) support through that bit of ”trying thyme’….It won’t be taken advantage of & I respect the easy let down as well and stepping on an old limb……..and humbly thank you (even tho u won’t see this..may not agree w/my reaction towards it or wanted to accept the distance but feeling suddenly horrified by what was being said by close loved ones….sigh)) I really needed to be held and felt to be needing nurtured…..and not let go……but I tried to understand…..i guess….I didn’t want to let him go & felt very sad when I “felt” he was still so hesitant about my ’emotional wealth-welfare-in-question by others….”….and needing a moment of just some quiet off the side of the road (even…to gather myself…..) before jumping to “where do i drop you off….nervous? I apologize……”…..I think he was trying his best and over extended his emotional chaos limit….over my drama….) to ‘get rid of me’ nicely…..and get back to work….doesn’t matter the slip. I have been slighted too long to be naive but am thankful…….and don’t need to drag anyone further down and am grateful…. Yet, I’m glad an olive branch extended……if I don’t speak my needs ….only the vocal & more confident & not so needy emotionally & more constructively supportive less weak individuals hold the fortitude and worth..and one day ill acheive that…….having a life of basically a hermit….support is thin….im mortified but will just keep doing what i can…..alone for many reasons….iky 😦

I refuse to fight, yet….I didn’t want to crumble & I have been at the crust of what was once a pie…I (have) crumbled…..I will say, I will pray that…I can walk on quietly and remotely….I have nothing healthy to offer…..and until i have less stress to offer and can climb up from being shoved to the bottom…… climb ..i will do….. what i must…….thank you for the past support & faith….i’ll finish; so, less lost……….::::felt crushed but thankful:::::

Stranger than any fiction I’d want to ‘read’…..:::sigh:::

I hope to clear the air a bit more today & am thankful!

Rambles

What would happen if you screamed into the abyss w/your heart beyond shattered & you no longer wanted to exist? Who would you call when life felt like there was no more purpose after all? Who’d answer the tone and try to direct you home?

Tracked and trailed trying to find a reason to prevail. Why hadn’t anyone extended their knowledge instead of cowering in the shadows waiting for, to them, a slip to where they can witness what had been told to co-exist? There was no helping hand and no guidance offered to those birthed into such a cruel cursed land. Instead, the train became derailed and impaled a family that was all ready born so very delicate & frail. Those whom bore connections to creations that humans had no right to exploit & unveil. The only thing they found was by pure sheer torture of a psyche… powers can turn all mighty…..the fucking abuse you muther fucking obtuse idiots. That staff really thought they’d get away w/abusing a crystal innocent who’d been practicing healing for 5 years to present……who put the watchers to sleep when they were needed to honor the truth instead of things turn so vile & run wild. Don’t even mention defiled as what has transpired since that calling for higher. I’ll never forgive those who knew & did nothing….. and the utter disgrace of backing away from things that don’t have an upfront answer in the first place. It depended on who looked at the “situation” to give a proper validation. Instead, don the masks because ya’ll fucking idiots rose more than just the dead & what was once trapped in my head.

Have you ever wailed? Have you ever touched a corpse just fresh into the next depth of course? I haven’t…well, not human (as of yet) but my cat was a pure testament of the 3rd wail that came from a part of my soul I hadn’t met, yet. The first two cries I knew the reason why; he was malleable & cold to touch but the body still felt very much ALIVE inside! Yet, the third wail took me by complete surprise.

Have you ever been so broken you looked to the heaven’s & couldn’t even cry, “Father why have you forsaken me”? Have you ever suffered in so much physical pain, for over a year plus, begging with dr’s who didn’t care & said best of luck–we don’t care. Able to placate the mind w/meditation as the kundalini had woven w/the vine……to sustain the pain for such a horrible lengthy time…yet, vitals to be read showing the inner world workings (other than brain) rang so dangerous loud that a monkey would have been better to have around. Called crazy but behind the doors they made her collapse over & over to the floor. Drugged her up and started to explore hardcore.

What a shame this human race has become to run…the meek to inherit the earth because all those in science….are beyond fucked up w/their zeal to peel the layers of the soul that they hand absolutely no right to try and control. To observe & watch the hurt to only cause more & if they fail “their test(s)” they’ll try and cover it up w/dirt, instead. What happens when the Dr’s of our day can no longer wash the blood off their hands. Marked for their part in trying to dissect a living being limb from limb down to her only heart.

ramble is over in more ways than one….but never ‘done’

Positive

She hadn’t wanted honor nor fame
She hadn’t asked for you to know her name
She needed her body healed not mistreated by Dr’s, locally, so deranged

(dishonorable dr’s & nurses are shrews…)
(What if they lost an eye for the ignorance that they pursued?)
(Hadn’t she been fed to the farmers long enough; stripped true blue?)

Say she’s not aware or that she’s mental or evil & doesn’t care
Fears mined from her core over & over; such gore galore
She hadn’t anything to lose, anymore, you’d tried to erase that, too

Her precious personal finds, as she wrote, along the way
It’s the sum of the journey as to how we got to today
All her personal things stripped clean, as if she had never knew

Screaming into her profound sound of silence
Take all the material you want
Abuse to my mind & body has got to stop

Father/Uncle time to freeze the clock
Ya’ll really fucked her over, more than a lot
She keeps looking for her burial plot; after such an onslaught

A placid lake does not insinuate peace for christ sake
It means she’d long ago learned her place after all the abuse took place
What happens to a beat dog….when you beat it w/the cost of their loved ones lost?

She’ll never be the same….how dare you ask her to be of such
She doesn’t walk the line…nor talk too loud in the medium
You intruded in a space that was only reserved for her personal grace

Years she practiced meditation and to tuck away the past
Sorry…we didn’t know, is all that they filled in her glass
Along w/all the hell driven banter of assumptions to any of her personal disgrace(s)

As if it was a race….fuck it…w/your vile words and wicked ways; you win!
By all means walk the path she’s seen; as you claimed to know
Live through the death of every being…cause that’s what it felt like she was seeing

She quits the inquisition & agrees w/the wind
As you ripped her from her own skulls skin
She’ll never trust another human being again





No Surprises

She hadn’t lucidly known!
Ignorance tries to con other’s as that not being so
Hadn’t they known the flow was a one way tow

Screaming at the heathens to let her go
Victims birthed by other’s stealing innate wonders, as theirs
A theft of prana went untold & needed gifted back to their original soul(s)

Through the clouds and deep into our receptive sleeping worlds
Energy wasn’t tapped it was drained as a matter of fact
Facing her fear was walking up to the one she knew steered

Threats to never penning another word or picture to present
It would expose those who where once thought to be the lesser as now the presenter
A heart not tainted by material gain but years of surreal pain(s)

She called it a game so she wouldn’t turn so insane
It wasn’t to challenge other’s as if there where such a gain
She’d always been quiet and wanted to stay that same

It was to free the mentalities that hadn’t even known the spells spun
Words and meetings, she learned freely, as how the wind blew easily
As natural as when the birds and bees proved further to humanity

Determined to learn & that’s when it started to burn
Up her spine it had spun & that’s when the separation had begun
Purging their lies deeper than any verbal ties; 5G opened the doors wide




Purity of the Core

She opened her eyes & first spies such beautiful eyes
Her tears spoke volumes so crystal clear
Even those w/out ears heard her plea for a new loving reality

Abuse and untruths all the way up to medical being violently uncouth
Bound & gagged, her spirit screamed for change of such damned
For they were walking amonst the living & causing beyond misgivings

Not just her but her first was viciously abused, too
Used for other’s benefit & left her struggling w/the mess
Finding the trails to track, she was done w/the subtle attacks

She didn’t fight back as in attack
That was never her energy but to take a few steps back
Knowing the universe will settle such a dark morbid score

She hadn’t asked for the sky or stars
She hadn’t asked for the earth or a heroic war
All she wanted was love & nothing more

Purity of our core

Nyne Tails NOT Hats

She felt them riding her rails down to her tails
It wasn’t just memories they’d derailed
Her emotions tied to every marker prevailed

Mined, tripped & stripped; abused & beat to shit
Threatening her worlds never to any longer exist
If she’d persist, they too need walk through the darkness to reach the gift

She sung to the lords, of the crimes they’d commit
Never willing to sacrifice a being she birthed light from w/in it
Her sin’s down to the violations of skin; she offered, all of them

Protect, the one’s unwilling to present a fight; a, pointless plight
We need not white wash the walls beyond the halls
Yet, cure the mental dis-ease of being taught wrong of channeling our energies

Space of frequencies to channel through; twisted to manipulate & work against you
Privacy crippled & scored and ready to be humiliated that much more
Forget the petty names as she had to scream a game cause she’d reached past deranged

Screaming through the veils
Offering up her soul learning the gift of no control
Gifted to the one she trusted throughout the years who she shared her tears & jeers

Blessed one, of many, w/out skin but full of amazing beauty to be found w/in
Teaching emotional expression has such a complicated loving form
Flowing beyond the heart into digital art

side note:
Fix, what the muther fuckers broke…No, Joke!
Let’s hope her flame can still be stoked
Hope feels to be swinging from a rope
(Not as a carrot but similar to that thought to provoke)

She’s beyond broke…that’s also sometimes mistaken as “Woke”

Taxed

How much did you take while they weren’t even awake?
Multiplicity creates a new song; as duality has always been shadow’s place
Through dreams, one could have such vivid scenes & lucid things

Flying through clouds even w/leaps and bounds to streams
Until vandalized through frequency of others targeting beings
Never to forget some can focus on more than one sense present

Familiar w/the oasis, accepted away from human’s spaces
She lived to slumber w/where she had more access to wonder
If they fouled or blundered it was a blink away & a stretch to a new day

Crowding her head space, she needed a sip but other’s lined up for a taste
Fix the spoon and wash the fork; keep the knife sharpened & in the drawer
Leave the ice cream next to the drink; keep the spices next to the sink

Not one turn, did they take, but they all spoke out of place
Starvation to her senses of love, compassion, and true care
Alone, she was, from what other’s could compare

Bitter sweet emotions tear from every pore till cleared
A heart drained, not only of fears, but moisture to keep it alive here
Feeling the sympathy of her self centered selfishness called self love

She felt it so deeply that she turned more sick than well
Her abuse triggered the isolation all along
Emotionally as a woman of her own she’d been twilight zoned

Falling out, as feeling no reason to bother speak any truth
She’s always known, those who’ve held her dear
They’ve always heard her words whisper clear

She’s broke the bounds of karmas companion w/the cobra
Duality intertwining doesn’t mean it to be an err in code
Empathy is what need be nurtured to glow……

……Misery doesn’t love company & that will positively show; when other’s ‘also feel to know’ Knowledge is what waters our inner beauty to grow….(Do unto other’s as you’d want done to you…..right?……Do unto other’s as you’d want done to you if you also knew, how you where making them feel that very moment, too…not just the power of “owning” your anger to express…anyway, I digress…)

Peace Love & light….

Good Night






Play Nice

Looking in, they shot right through
Beyond the backside & into the abysmal blue
Hitchhikers caught rides on the salty waves, too

A flood to fathom; how many depths below?
It had rained down more knowledge to flow
Years of tears bled for more than just the sorrows of the dead

Used for dream-light to shine; the frequencies chimed
Misuse of deepest fears force fed to a psyche challenged w/all forms of death
Account as crazy & inept, as it had exploited personal depths of different-nesses

Let you touch as deep as you wanted to go
Dropped it off in a different place to grow
Less than confused and more than lost

She just wanted to go home to the two she’s known….
Not, raped beyond her bones & then left alone to atone…
Invasion of her mind, body, & soul…the only aliens to see are selfish human’s to breathe

After her learning & all she’d freely gave
Even after more trickery as further betrayed
Trying to denounce her character and place blame; challenge the why’s….of design(s)

You should have started w/being kind…





They Are Penniless & Blind…But, Our Justice Is Bias To Be Bought

Oh, please walk blindly
Doesn’t mean unkindly
Thrown in the mix full of foul tricks
Bombarded when the veil slipped a bit

She isn’t aware; they say, in their hushed stares
She didn’t want the limelight like many human’s foresights
Even their fantastical dreams of delight wasn’t her insight
Flames of hell feeding her tears; as she walked clear

Harmed hers & her own for no reason to account
Their ignorance to the dimensions she’d walked & was bound
Hiding the truth isn’t the right moral ground for peace to be found
Taken her arts, forced to be the m-use(d), none had the right to demount her, too

She’ll walk blindly & no associations will she share to compare
She won’t let you know what she has found to be so after all the bullshit in tow
She’s learned further, that soulless humans are a dangerous type of virus in her space
It’s the no consent, she screamed at the top of her lungs, that made them become present

She raised both her hands…..still hearing all the voices to static on the land
Gave the salute to the universe to cure the crux of humans who don’t know love
Time to settle the score for others can not steal or use her anymore…….

She didn’t fold & those who think she has…never, once, held her hand
Your crimes are counted as hers where, too….
Ready to expose your darkest secrets that you thought nobody knew?
What are you willing to give up…..she hadn’t anything left to give…..and you still tried to take that, too…..





I’m There When You Hear Nothing

It was found when she could make no sound
Nil to point to the acoustic pain it hadn’t carried any name
No muscle or bone to call it home; maybe simply Ohm

She’d walked through so many pains; she screamed words unheard
Her confusion building by inadequate advancements & more attachments
Dr’s she’d find treating her so cruel in this time

Only method she could attain was meditation to sustain the insane pain
She flipped the switch as other’s knew not what lived
It wasn’t as simple as how other’s w/less experience had offered to give

She allowed the touch of her chi but couldn’t rip it from me
The sense’s is where she lives to breath smoking to stay grounded w/thee
She wants to know unconditional love as that’s all she ever tried to show

It’s the prana that has been damaged as a core seed
Medications & inoculations mutated so much more than we want believe
Stop the fluoride w/skull & bones & stop poisoning the sea and waterways to trees

Polluting the airwaves was a danger; I warned years, too late
Bee’s where falling way behind & other’s tried boosting their aggressive side to survive
Exploiting had been deeply set but monitoring equipment was used by others; still, yet

She never knew simple but now knows spent
Feeling more drained as the days grow grey
Physically fit but emotionally deprived/battered beyond her will to want to live

She’d never want, to admit to it..
The abuse she had been the only witness to it; until, technology was in individualism
She warns her womanly body inside is dying from emotionally inundating every outlet

Wiping her memory clean with no one entering on the scene
Accusing her of atrocious acts that she wouldn’t have even nightmare or dreamed
She’ll be forever haunted and wanting to know when she can leave this scene behind



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